


Ghostin

by ShineYunhyeong21



Series: The Heart Don't Break Even [1]
Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Angst and Feels, Awkwardness, Ballerino Junhoe, Ballerino Yunhyeong, Ballet Terms, Conductor Hanbin, Junbin and Yunbob are kind of side couples?, M/M, Not being able to get over a past lover, Reminiscing, Song Inspired, Staff Member Bobby, complicated feelings, it'll make sense when you read it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-25 22:45:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17734067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShineYunhyeong21/pseuds/ShineYunhyeong21
Summary: You've been so understanding, you've been so good...And I'm putting you through more than one ever should...And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to admit that it hurts you...- Ariana Grande





	Ghostin

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to start off with the ballet terms that I may or may not have used incorrectly with some definitions (summaries):  
> \- Allonge: Extending your arm and leg further before closing into another position.  
> \- Avant: To move forward.  
> \- Chasse en tourmant: Doing a single turn in the air as the feet and legs come together, then lands on the back leg with the front leg extended front.  
> \- Double Cabriole: A step where the beating of a cabriole happens twice in the air before landing.  
> \- Cabriole: A dancer jumps in the air off one leg as the other is thrown upwards, as the bottom leg raises to meet and beat with the top leg, the top leg continues to go higher as the bottom leg returns to the floor.  
> \- Cambre: The body is bent from the waist and stretching backward or sideways with the head following the movement of the upper body and arms.  
> \- Petite Jete: A jump where a dancer throws, or brushes, one leg into the air, then pushes off the floor with the other jumping into the air and landing on the first leg.
> 
> Okay, with that over...Welcome, this is a ballet one-shot inspired by the song Ghostin by Ariana Grande - if you listen to that or read the lyrics you can get a better feel for the story. Um, I've randomly gotten the idea to do a ballet story for Yunjun and I've been thinking on it for a while, so I thought why not just get it out of the way. I'm also planning on doing a Yunjun story later on, so whenever I get around to doing that then you can look forward to that. For now, enjoy and leave comments telling me what you think. I also want to apologize if I used the terms incorrectly because I took french, but it's been a while since I've actually used it so...um...yeah. Enjoy!

A symphony filled the room that only the two of us occupied. We wore similar clothing; the only difference is that he chose white while I chose black. ‘You can never go wrong with black’, is what he used to say to me before auditions, but now he looks upon me in indifference. I guess, my baggage has finally worn the last of the love that I thought we’d still share for one another, although broken up a year prior.

“ _Allonge_ _!_ ” Stretching opposite arms at the same time, his fingers light brushed against my own, “ _Avant, Song!”_

Moving forward, I turned my body some trying to not miss his movements that we’re nothing more than the embodiment of elegance. An elegance he didn’t care outside of the studio as he was rather clumsy. He spun around in front of me, his toes making light patters in the shoes that squeezed are feet too tight sometimes. Rushing ahead, I followed behind him, hands lightly holding onto his waist lifting him into the air and the moment his feet touched the ground he spun out of my embrace.

“ _Chasse_ _en tourmant, June!_ ” Jumping into the air, I landed with my left leg extended forward, the other lightly jumping over my foot.

Reaching out, he moved away a smile on his face as he continued to follow are instructors instructions. Standing straighter, I beat my feet in the rhythm of five lightly watching the other move around me. He looked like the guy I feel in love with a few years ago, but I know that it doesn’t mean anything anymore. We don’t mean much to each other besides fellow dancers who just so happen to be in the same friend circle.

A cliché is what are loves had become, although the ending wasn’t so.

We met two years ago both auditioning for a role in a ballet that our company was producing. For me the role didn’t matter as long as I was in it, but for him it seemed as if his life was on the line. In the end, we were both given the roles of the characters that show up a lot but aren’t as important as the main characters. I thought he’d cry or throw a tantrum, so I went over introducing myself asking if he wanted to go out for a drink. He had given me the most horrendous look I’ve ever seen before decline me saying that he was on a diet, so he couldn’t drink.

At the time, I was baffled because he was already small and the fact that he wanted to be smaller had me more than confused. Later on, I found out that he ate a shit ton, but never gained weight, so he decided to cut back in preparation for the ballet. He was perfect then and now, so I had edge him away from the diet that was no more than practically starving himself.

Sooner, rather than later, he had taken me up on the drink after a hard rehearsal that had reduced a few dancers to tears that fell while they spun till their toes hurt. He wasn’t one of them, but he was pretty close to being one. We had talked and shared our stories with one another. By the end of our drinking, we had considered one another friends, even furthering the friendship by helping one another other with our parts during late night practices.

I had developed feelings rather quickly. At the time, I didn’t think much on it more than I thought on what flavor gum I should chew – which is not even a thought. But as time carried on, I couldn’t help the tight feeling in my gut and cup as my eyes lingered on him for longer than normal. My mind even wandering a little too long on his figure when we did our stretches. I felt like a pre-teen going through puberty all over again, the only difference is that it wasn’t at the sight of leotards and instead at the curve of his body. A curve that was just asking to be held.

Performance had come rather fast in the wake of me finally realizing my feelings, so during our last show I pulled him aside trying to not focus on his makeup. Like any other performance it was overdone and out there to explain our characters more, and the sight of it always had me giggling, even after all these years. Telling him my feelings, he opened his mouth to give me his answer only to be ushered off onto the stage with those that had similar makeup as him. He mouth a sorry to me, his body falling into the beginning position, the curtains rising, and the orchestra playing their string instruments as if it was the last time.

The show had done even better than it had gone any other day, and as we all stood on stage ready for our bows, he came next to me taking my hand, gripping it tightly. Bowing a few times in each direction, the curtains fell, and he turned towards me, lips coming softly in contact with my own, a small ‘yes’ being breathed out. An uproar of cheering from those around us had me pulling him into my embrace never wanting to let go. I had finally made him mine.

Our relationship went like any other ballerina fairytale – not really, but close enough. Late nights spent at one another’s places, our hands intertwined while the others were towards the ceiling comparing them for no reason other than giggling. Practicing together had become the norm to the point that even other’s thought it was weird for us not to do it together. Whenever one of us didn’t make the cut for a certain ballet, the other would sit in the crowd staring in adoration as they glided across the stage with ease. It was magical in its own way.

We weren’t each other firsts for anything, but we had promised one another that we wanted to be each other’s lasts. Although, unlike fairytales, there is always an ending beyond happily ever after.

We started off innocent and pure, not letting outside forces waver us. Slowly but surely, after a year and a half everything just seemed to be on downhill battle. During practices, we had started to grow annoyed with one another’s mistakes as we were taught these things from childhood. Of course, when we’d meet that night after parting ways harshly, we spent time in one another’s arms covering up the bruises from the falls we took that day. In the end, we had started making up only to fight the next day, it had become toxic in that way.

Along with annoyance and harsh words came competition for roles that we both wanted. In the beginning, we didn’t care, even going as far to say that we wouldn’t mind being understudies for each other, but the times had change and we had started to become greedy. Snide remarks, refusing to help the other, hanging out with other – that was only a few of the things that we had done to harm the other.

A half of year of being petty and fighting with one another had brought us back to the ballet that had brought us into this relationship. We both knew that we couldn’t go on like this. We couldn’t keep holding on for our love knowing that we were only hurting each other. So, on the last show after the curtains fell, so did we, but unlike when he had agreed, we parted ways privately this time.

I took the love I had for him, bottled it up and stored it on a shelf already knowing that we’re better off apart, and I felt he had done the same. Being in the same company, we continued to work together – we couldn’t not work together. Which is why we’re going over our routine right now, that’s why we’re paired together more often than not, because our chemistry is still there.

“ _Song, double!”_ He did a double cabriole while in the air, my hands reaching out to take ahold of his waist once his pointed toes returned to the ground. “ _Cambre_ _!_ ”

His body arched into mine, his arms and head extended towards the ground while my arm wrapped around his waist in preparation for our final move. Coming up, he tapped his foot harshly on the ground as if he was going to push off into a petite jete, instead his leg came up my hand taking ahold of his thigh. His leg was being held at a few degrees higher than a ninety, our faces closer than we would normally have it.

The sound of clapping had me dropping his leg and standing him up straight. We stood side-by-side listening as our instructor critiqued and acknowledged us. When she was done, we thanked her for her time watching as she left mumbling under her breath about the next dancers she needed to help.

“Good job.” Looking at him, he nodded before turning to go towards his bag.

“You, too.” Ah, why did this suddenly get awkward? “Um, you’ve been working out, huh?”

“Ah, yeah, I’ve been eating more lately, so I need to keep my weight in control.” Slipping on my sweat pants, I glanced over at the other to see him doing in the same – his body is as amazing as always. “W-Want to get a drink?”

“Sorry, but -,” The door opened cutting him off, the face of someone I didn’t know if I hated or not, appearing with a smile. “Give me a minute, okay?” The other nodded stepping back out. “I already have plans, but maybe this weekend. You can even bring Hanbin – ah, we can double date!”

“Sure, I’ll let him know.” Shouldering my duffel, I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “I gotta go, but good job today.”

Rushing out, I bypassed the other giving him a slight head nod not wanting to prolong the awkwardness that I’m sure I only felt. Stepping outside, I took a deep breath looking at the long line of steps that would lead me to the bottom and out of this world of feeling and elegance. I caught glance of someone sitting on a step, their back towards me, but very identifiable. Zipping up my hoodie, I skipped down the steps before plopping down next to the other whose head turned slowly, jumping a little when he saw my face.

“You look tired.” Taking in his face, he only shook his head, hand taking ahold of my own. “Want to eat at our favorite place?”

“Only if you promise not to eat too much. You’re going to get shelved if you don’t cut down on your exercising and eating.” Nodding, I couldn’t stop the smile that came onto my face, the memory of someone else saying the same thing trying to overshadow this moment.

“Only if you feed me.” He gagged, standing but never letting go of my hand making me grip his tighter. “You feed me any other time, why not today?”

“That’s only when your muscles are sore, and you come barreling into my home complaining.” Standing next to him, he looked me over shaking his head. “You don’t look sore to me, so no.”

“You’re always so mean to me that it makes no sense.” The sound of familiar voices had us both turning around to see the two I ran from earlier. “Oh, Yunhyeong wanted to know if you’d do a double date this weekend?”

His eyes were focused intensely on the couple that were laughing way too loudly for the setting. A momentary sadness passed over his features before it disappeared. I wanted to pull him into me and apologize, but I didn’t as he turned towards me with a seldom smile on his face. My own soon matching.

“Y-Yeah, that sounds fun.” It didn’t – he’ll never admit it though.

“HANBIN!” They finally caught sight of us, the two of them rushing over to us. “Did June tell you?”

“Ah, yeah, I don’t have work or anything, so we’ll surely do it.” The other smiled wide, taking Hanbin’s free hand holding it in a child-like way.

“Great! Then, I’ll send June the information.” We both nodded the forgotten one coming up to wrap his arm around his lover’s waist. “Oh, I forgot, we have to go, but I’ll definitely text you, okay?”

“Nice seeing you two, again.” Nodding, again, Yunhyeong moved out of the other’s embrace jumping on his back laughing as he raced down the wide but steep steps.

“Let’s go.” Hanbin dragged me down the same steps that the other two so happily went down – there were many differences including direction.

The moment we had gotten closer to Hanbin’s place, he let my hand practically tossing it away as he sped up. I remember chasing after him the first time in confusion, but we’ve been together for a while to know that it’ll only make it worse. It’s best to cry indoors anyway. Following behind him at the distance he set, I entered his place calmly watching in wait for him to crumple, so that I could catch him. He never did. He sat on the couch eyes glued to his hands and not at the expansion of space that he had cleared for me after we got together.

“Dance for me, Junie.” Biting my lip, I nodded seeing as how I was still in my dance clothes anyway, so it didn’t matter.

Stripping out of the clothes I had only put on a moment earlier, my bag was discarded along side of the small pile I made, my toes instantly pointing. There was no music beside the sound of his shallow breathing and heartbeat that brought me back to the reality of everything. Knowing that it’s late, I didn’t do jumps, or anything fancy rather focusing on spins and the flow of my body. Our eyes met every so often during a spin, the tears brimming them catch and holding onto my attention. Not even caring to finish, I went towards him, hand held out for him to take.

“I danced for you, so now it’s your turn to dance with me.” Pulling him up, the basics and perfect posture were all thrown out the window as I just held him close to me, spinning us and dipping him in light humor.

Half a year had passed since Yunhyeong and I’s break-up, the both of us doing our own things, and two months after he was introducing me to some guy named Jiwon, ‘ _but he likes to be called Bobby_ ’. I was told that he worked at the company – I’ve never seen him before though, but I continuously saw him afterwards. I’m not going to lie, it broke my heart to realize that he didn’t even think of giving us another chance, that he had practically thrown that bottle of feelings into the trash. I acted cordial with the other – I still act cordial with him, not to upset the other.

Hanbin came in a month later on accident, the two of us stumbling upon each other. He’s the youngest conductor in the company having conducted the orchestra for more than a few ballets. We connected almost immediately, and then, I was the one introducing him to the other. He isn’t, wasn’t, stupid and turned on me once we left Yunhyeong asking me if we used to date. Having no reason to lie, I told him the truth which brought on the seldom smile his face always takes when we’re around the other couple. Soon, I was doing the same.

“Okay, that’s enough, you need to shower.” A genuine smile had come onto my face at the bright laughter filled smile covering his own. “You seem like sweat and practice room.”

“Practice room? What does that smell like?” Laughing at how absurd that statement sounded, he pouted pushing me towards the bathroom.

“You know exactly what smell I’m talking about. It’s a mixture of powder, sweat, cleaning chemicals, and that air freshener that your instructor likes to use.” He could have explained it like that from the beginning. “I’ll lay your clothes out on the bed and order delivery instead. I’m not in the mood for eating our anymore.”

I wanted to ask why, but he walked away not giving me the chance to do so. I know he’s upset with me, although I also know he’s more upset with himself than he is with me. The third thing I know is that he’s upset because of me. So, it’s really all my fault, if I think about it.

Shaking my head, I got under the hot stream of water, my tense and sore muscles relaxing bringing forth the bruises and small cuts that I would have forgotten about otherwise. A body of zero fat and pure muscles covered in bruises and cuts, my toes almost deformed from the years of extensive training. I think I’m perfect like this…Hanbin thinks I’m perfectly like this…Yunhyeong used to think I was perfect…

The memories and feelings I suppress every day came crashing into me like a cool shot of water making tears fall into the stream. I’m still in love with Yunhyeong, even though I love Hanbin; I still think about Yunhyeong, even though my thoughts are also clouded with Hanbin. I keep hurting Hanbin because I can’t ghost the other like I have done past lovers – I’m carrying the baggage into this relationship when that’s the last thing that I’ve ever wanted to do. He’s been so understanding when he shouldn’t have to be. I should be loving him without any distractions, but for some reason I can’t do that.

Sobs raked through my body at how fucked up this whole thing.

I remember after our first time together, I had cried while laying next to him, whispering soft apologies into his sweaty hair. Why? Because the whole time I was jumping in between him and the images of Yunhyeong that I knew better than anyone else. I couldn’t separate the two, and I felt like nothing more than shit for that fact. I am shit.

“T-The food is here.” Wiping the fog off the glass, I sniffled taking in the sad posture that the other held.

Quickly cutting off the water, I got out wrapping a towel around my waist, walking towards him ready to pull him into my embrace. He stepped back reaching out his hand to wipe at the tears that were mixing in with the water that ran down my face.

“Get changed, or else you’ll catch a cold.” Nodding, he walked away leaving me to shed more tears in the bathroom’s doorway.

He shouldn’t have to put up with this, but I don’t want to lose him. I’m being so selfish.

Changing into the clothes he laid out, I made my way into the living room to see him curled up on the couch, eyes glued to a show that he wasn’t even watching. Sliding in next to him, my head rested against his own, a small crack of a sob leaving his lips before silence came over us, the food sitting untouched. It was some vegan option that neither of us really cared for, but like the great lover that he is, he conformed to my diets when he didn’t even have to. The fact that he chose this told me, ‘ _you’re going on a diet and I am, too_.’, and I’m fine with that as long as we’re together.

“I love you.” Whispering the words, I became afraid to break the silence that had settled over us.

“No,” My heart clenched already knowing what he was going to say, “You love Yunhyeong and I love you, and that’s okay.”

_I’m hating myself cause you don’t want to admit that it hurts you, baby._

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think? I finished this around 2 am last night, so the ending might not be all that, but it's fine. 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @ShineYunhyeong2, if you want. I do Twitter AUs for iKON and rant about shit that pisses me off - not a lot, just every so often.


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